OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Off topic discussion

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby clean slate » Tue May 15, 2012 8:07 am

An old couple are laying in bed late one night. They had just finished making love when the wife spoke "That's it, I can't take it any longer. We are going to marriage counseling tomorrow." The next morning the old man obliges and goes to counseling.

The therapist asks the old woman "Why do you feel you two need counseling after 40 years of marriage? Usually couples who have been married that long are able to work things out."

The wife answers "When we make love its is always the exact same way. He always takes top and after he finishes he always blows his nose. The very same thing every time. 40 years, same thing. I just need some variety in bed."

The therapist looks at the husband sitting stoically arms crossed and says "So what about it, are you willing to add a little variety to your love life?"

The old man replies "Not a chance, my fathers last words to me before he died were "Don't screw up and keep your nose clean."
User avatar
clean slate
Club Vice President
Club Vice President
 
Posts: 329
Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 4:40 pm
Location: MI
Vehicle: 2007 h3

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby FootFoot » Wed Oct 10, 2012 8:15 pm

Rich wrote:The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto awakens the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo .... Someone stole tent." --

:lol: :P



this is sooooooooooo funny
FootFoot
New User
New User
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 6:22 pm
Vehicle: 2007 Hummer H2

Re: Lay Off Letter

Postby FootFoot » Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:11 pm

USVibrant wrote:
clean slate wrote:
USVibrant wrote:... They voted for change......I gave it to them.


I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.


Only sort of laughing as I work in healthcare and the big O is having his way with us.only with no lube included



Every aspect of the US as we know is it is suffering at his hands; everything that serves and protects us. Tragedy. As a single woman, I tell you it is almost fearful for me. We all need lube included




Obama or not, If you guys have had it so good the last 13 years, you could have shared it with me. I cannot blame an innocent man....just to "belong".........i been need some lube, 20 years ago.
FootFoot
New User
New User
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 6:22 pm
Vehicle: 2007 Hummer H2

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby clean slate » Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:29 pm

FootFoot wrote:Obama or not, If you guys have had it so good the last 13 years, you could have shared it with me. I cannot blame an innocent man....just to "belong".........i been need some lube, 20 years ago.


Lets be loyal to the topic and leave this page to joke telling. If your looking for a debate I'd happily join you on this thread:http://www.hummerxclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=14610
User avatar
clean slate
Club Vice President
Club Vice President
 
Posts: 329
Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 4:40 pm
Location: MI
Vehicle: 2007 h3

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby hummerfisher » Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:27 am

some great jokes here!

and another

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
hummerfisher
New User
New User
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:14 am

OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby clean slate » Fri Mar 28, 2014 10:19 pm

A female golfer seeks out the club golf pro. She finds him and unloads "You better let the grounds keeper know he's got a bee problem out on the course". He replied "No kidding. Where did you get stung?"
"In between the first and second holes" she angrily replied.
To which he could only reply "I told you your stance was too wide..."


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
User avatar
clean slate
Club Vice President
Club Vice President
 
Posts: 329
Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 4:40 pm
Location: MI
Vehicle: 2007 h3

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby Mark » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:25 pm

:lol: :lol:
Hummer X Club Florida Chapter
mailto:florida@hummerxclub.com
User avatar
Mark
Chapter President - Florida
Chapter President - Florida
 
Posts: 15131
Joined: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:42 pm
Location: Orlando FL
Vehicle: 09 H3 Alpha/74 Int. Scout

OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby clean slate » Wed May 14, 2014 9:15 pm

Did you hear about the cross-eyed school teacher they had to fire?

They let her go cause she couldn't keep her pupils straight.
User avatar
clean slate
Club Vice President
Club Vice President
 
Posts: 329
Joined: Mon May 11, 2009 4:40 pm
Location: MI
Vehicle: 2007 h3

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby wpage » Sun Oct 12, 2014 5:59 pm

Two shrinks are on the elevator at the hospital

Another psychiatrist gets on and says good morning... Then gets off at the next floor.

The Dr's look at each other and say... Wonder what he meant by that?
"You will receive power"
Acts 1:8
W
User avatar
wpage
Trail Rider
Trail Rider
 
Posts: 234
Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:05 pm
Location: NJ
Vehicle: H3

Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby Mark » Tue Oct 14, 2014 9:22 am

:up: :lol: :lol:
Hummer X Club Florida Chapter
mailto:florida@hummerxclub.com
User avatar
Mark
Chapter President - Florida
Chapter President - Florida
 
Posts: 15131
Joined: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:42 pm
Location: Orlando FL
Vehicle: 09 H3 Alpha/74 Int. Scout

Previous

Return to Off Topic

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest