OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

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OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE

Postby Bellvis » Sat Jun 16, 2007 10:57 am

List your jokes here:

Try to keep them PG13 please......
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
You might be a redneck if...

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

You clean your nails with a stick.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.

People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Last edited by Bellvis on Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke Page

Postby Bellvis » Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:34 am

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.

"Well," replied the man, "When we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"
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Re: Joke Page

Postby 2-H2's » Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:52 am

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the boys up one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

He replied: "No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".
'The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan
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Re: Joke Page

Postby Bellvis » Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:57 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :D :D :D
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Re: Joke Page

Postby ProjektH3 » Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:24 pm

2-H2's wrote:A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the boys up one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

He replied: "No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".


:lol: :lol:
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby ProjektH3 » Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:24 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?............










..........
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby The Other Rob » Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:28 pm

ProjektH3 wrote:Why did the chicken cross the road?............










..........

To prove to the armadillo it could be done...
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby Alec W » Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:44 pm

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... " a recipe".


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this snap....
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby 2-H2's » Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:47 pm

Alec W wrote:What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... " a recipe".


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this snap....



:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby Alec W » Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:48 pm

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


:lol:
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby 2-H2's » Mon Jun 18, 2007 4:19 pm

Alec W wrote:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


:lol:



Got that one wrong :duh: ...I thought it was because they all lived up north of the red river :P :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby Bellvis » Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:31 pm

ProjektH3 wrote:Why did the chicken cross the road?..


Why???
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby Roadrashmike » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:30 pm

Two gay guys are doing it in the closet, which one leaves first,the on top or the one on bottom? the one on bottom he allready got his stuff packed :lol: :no: :no: :roll: :wall:
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby Roadrashmike » Wed Jun 20, 2007 8:42 pm

BAD MAN THIS IS A JOKE AND ONLY A JOKE, PLEASE DONOT TAKE IT PERSONAL ,IT IS ONLY A JOKE.YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED . Why did God give a man 1/2 oz. more brains than a horse? this way he wouldn`t poop at the parade`s
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Re: OFFICIAL JOKE PAGE:

Postby Bellvis » Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:05 pm

mchummr wrote:Two gay guys are doing it in the closet, which one leaves first,the on top or the one on bottom? the one on bottom he allready got his stuff packed :lol: :no: :no: :roll: :wall:


:lol: :lol: :lol: :yuck:
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