HUMMER Husband 1.0

General Discussion

HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby Mu-taint » Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:26 am

Here's HUMMER Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 to HUMMER Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, HUMMER Husband 1.0 deactivates many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and activates new, undesirable programs such as HUMMER Buddies Night 1.3, Saturday Four-Wheeling 5.0, Mechanic 2.4 and HUMMERPartsEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs correctly, and invariably launches the Last Weeks HUMMER Adventures browser version 3.1. DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6 doesn't work, especially on weekends, either. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix HUMMER Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness.
Can you help please?!!!!
HUMMER Husbandless Jane

Dear HUMMERless Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 to HUMMER Husband 1.0 with no idea that BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, HUMMER Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few non-HUMMER related applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge HUMMER Husband 1.0 and return to BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0, because HUMMER Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 to emulate HUMMER Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the HUMMER Husband 1.0 operating system, once installed.

Having HUMMER Husband 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of HUMMER Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. HUMMER Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. HUMMER Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause HUMMER Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, MORE HUMMERS 6.0. MORE HUMMERS 6.0 is a very bad program that causes HUMMER Husband 1.0 to create MULTI-HUMMER 1.0. You will find very little space within this program and Wife 1.0 no longer has enough room to run during HUMMER-WHEELIG-TRIPS 2012. You will soon be running WhereDoISit 5.3. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run non HUMMER related applications. HUMMER Husband 1.0 is a great program, but if it doesn’t involve HUMMERs, there is limited memory available and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend PowerTools4Gifts 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep HUMMER Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, HUMMER Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThingsOtherThanHUMMER 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. HUMMER Husband 1.0 will run only LONG-HUMMER-WHEELING-TRIPS 5.2 and LONGER-HUMMER-WHEELING-TRIPS 9.3 or GarageWork 2.5 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install HUMMER Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. "We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

"Re-written" by
MU-TAINT
No longer here due to USVibrants "rants".
Mu-taint
Club Member
Club Member
 
Posts: 248
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:42 pm

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby Ziolo » Thu Oct 20, 2011 3:53 am

ROTFL:)

BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0
HUMMER Husband 1.0
DinnerDancing 7.5
CruiseShip 2.3
OperaNight 6.1
HUMMER Buddies Night 1.3
Saturday Four-Wheeling 5.0
Mechanic 2.4
HUMMERPartsEverywhere 4.5
Conversation 8.0
Last Weeks HUMMER Adventures browser version 3.1
DiaperChanging 14.1
HouseCleaning 2.6
Nagging 5.3
Apologize 12.3
Flower/Chocolates 7.8
GrumpySilence 2.5
MORE HUMMERS 6.0
MULTI-HUMMER 1.0
PowerTools4Gifts 3.0
Lingerie 5.3
Patience 10.1
FixesBrokenThingsOtherThanHUMMER 2.1
Snuggling 4.2
BestFriend 7.6
LONG-HUMMER-WHEELING-TRIPS 5.2
LONGER-HUMMER-WHEELING-TRIPS 9.3
GarageWork 2.5
MotherInLaw 1.0



and where is "make love 6.9" (69) ?????


Marriage operating system is full of bugs. cant wait 4 some updates and fixes, maybe some new crack by razor1911 :)
2006 Hummer H3 Adventure
User avatar
Ziolo
Trail Rider
Trail Rider
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 3:46 pm
Location: Poland
Vehicle: 2006 Hummer H3

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby USVibrant » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:19 am

nothingtoadd.gif
nothingtoadd.gif (3.9 KiB) Viewed 890 times
Real Women Drive Hummers and This One, once upon a time, Owned Her Own. Now she is just the black Jeep of the Hummer Family going topless and becoming way too dirty. (No Recovery Needed)

I would rather be found camping & off-roading than to be found at home
User avatar
USVibrant
Club Member
Club Member
 
Posts: 589
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 6:46 pm
Location: CO
Vehicle: Darkside-07 Wrangler Jeep

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby USVibrant » Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:02 pm

USVibrant wrote:
nothingtoadd.gif




I lied.

In reply to Jane's Complaint against Hummer Husband 1.0:

My name is Callie, I am tech support-I am here to help you today.

Having a Hummer Husband 1.0 which I installed myself. I woud suggest you do what you want, but fair warning, if you do not treat Hummer Husband 1.0 with respect (he is worthy and deserving), he will throw you out of the Hummer-bye, bye, which is the section of GPF. Read it carefully.

Hummer Husband 1.0 does not assume ALL Responsibility of ALL faults and problems, regardless of the root cause. He will tell you to be accountable for your own ****. To deactivate this feature is impossible. Deal with it or get rid of it.

Hummer Husband 1.0 only runs the application of apologizes when the need be, he too is accountable for his own ****. He only uses the applications 12.3 (flowers) and 7.8 (chocolates) when you show him who is the greatest husband! TECH TIP! Avoid excessive usage of this feature, because if you want to sleep, you will not sleep.

Hummer Husband 1.0 has a tendency to default to 2.5 (GrumpSilence-you ask what is wrong and he will tell you 'nothing.') when you think you can reprogram him. TECH SUPPORT: Hummer Husband 1.0 will then seek 6.0 (More Hummers) leaving you at home, that is if you are not allowed to go along, and if you are, you may be very well asking WhereDOISit, because Rover has done moved in.

Consider buying additional software to improve Hummer Husband 1.0 performance, I suggest the following-be a little selfish too when considering, After all you, you have to make it about you too.

7.5 (Dinner/Dancing)
2.3 (Cruise Ship)
2.4 (Mechanic)
1.3 (Hummer Buddies)
8.0 (Conversation)
? (sexy smelling Cologne)
2 (Garage work)
10.1 (Patience)
7.6 (Best friend)
9.3 (Longer Hummer wheeling trips)
6.9 (Love making, obviously in every direction)

A final word of caution! Do not install any inflicting software that will cause Hummer Husband 1.0 to malfunction in a bad kind of way, which includes MotherinLaw 1.0 (if you need her move home). Be the winch that you are, like you put on a 4-wheel drive work for him and not against him, and the reward will be great. The reward? Enter the command C:/I KNOW YOU LOVE ME," and all your dreams will come true.

I hope I have helped you. Thank you for choosing to install Hummer Husband 1.0, we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years. I trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product as I have and continue to do.
Last edited by USVibrant on Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Real Women Drive Hummers and This One, once upon a time, Owned Her Own. Now she is just the black Jeep of the Hummer Family going topless and becoming way too dirty. (No Recovery Needed)

I would rather be found camping & off-roading than to be found at home
User avatar
USVibrant
Club Member
Club Member
 
Posts: 589
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 6:46 pm
Location: CO
Vehicle: Darkside-07 Wrangler Jeep

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby Mu-taint » Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:53 pm

Ziolo wrote:ROTFL:)

and where is "make love 6.9" (69) ?????


Marriage operating system is full of bugs. cant wait 4 some updates and fixes, maybe some new crack by razor1911 :)


:lol:
This is NOT the operating system my wife and I use! Although she did get a kick out of reading it. ;)

We are using HUMMER HUSBAND & WIFE 2.0. It has 2 different operating systems depending on who is logged in. I use the HUMMER Alpha OffRoad 20.08 and she has the HUMMER H3T Adventure 20.09 soon to be upgraded to the HUMMER H3T Alpha OffRoad 20.10 (she logs into my system too often). MAKE LOVE 0.1 - MAKE LOVE 8.9 is part of this harmonius operating system as is CAN-I-USE-YOUR-HUMMER-TODAY 2.0.1 and WE-NEED-TO-BUY-MORE-HUMMER-STUFF 9.5!!!!!

I highly recommend upgrading to the HUMMER HUSBAND & WIFE 2.0 operating system. It's a piece of cake to install, runs very smooth and does not require any "re-boots"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8)
No longer here due to USVibrants "rants".
Mu-taint
Club Member
Club Member
 
Posts: 248
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:42 pm

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby USVibrant » Fri Oct 21, 2011 2:48 am

Seriously, there is actually a program of Hummer Husband & Wife? :lol: :lol:

I too enjoyed reading your post, I found it to be funny and much truth to it.
Real Women Drive Hummers and This One, once upon a time, Owned Her Own. Now she is just the black Jeep of the Hummer Family going topless and becoming way too dirty. (No Recovery Needed)

I would rather be found camping & off-roading than to be found at home
User avatar
USVibrant
Club Member
Club Member
 
Posts: 589
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 6:46 pm
Location: CO
Vehicle: Darkside-07 Wrangler Jeep

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby Ziolo » Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:34 am

i need to uninstal wife 1.0 and instal wife 2.0 with some servicepacks :)
2006 Hummer H3 Adventure
User avatar
Ziolo
Trail Rider
Trail Rider
 
Posts: 120
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 3:46 pm
Location: Poland
Vehicle: 2006 Hummer H3

Re: HUMMER Husband 1.0

Postby Mu-taint » Sun Oct 23, 2011 9:59 pm

Ziolo wrote:i need to uninstal wife 1.0 and instal wife 2.0 with some servicepacks :)


:lol: :lol: :lol:
No longer here due to USVibrants "rants".
Mu-taint
Club Member
Club Member
 
Posts: 248
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:42 pm


Return to General

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest