Here's HUMMER Husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 to HUMMER Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, HUMMER Husband 1.0 deactivates many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and activates new, undesirable programs such as HUMMER Buddies Night 1.3, Saturday Four-Wheeling 5.0, Mechanic 2.4 and HUMMERPartsEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs correctly, and invariably launches the Last Weeks HUMMER Adventures browser version 3.1. DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6 doesn't work, especially on weekends, either. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix HUMMER Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness.
Can you help please?!!!!
HUMMER Husbandless Jane
Dear HUMMERless Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 to HUMMER Husband 1.0 with no idea that BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, HUMMER Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few non-HUMMER related applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge HUMMER Husband 1.0 and return to BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0, because HUMMER Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause BOYFRIEND WITH HUMMER 5.0 to emulate HUMMER Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the HUMMER Husband 1.0 operating system, once installed.
Having HUMMER Husband 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of HUMMER Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. HUMMER Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. HUMMER Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause HUMMER Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, MORE HUMMERS 6.0. MORE HUMMERS 6.0 is a very bad program that causes HUMMER Husband 1.0 to create MULTI-HUMMER 1.0. You will find very little space within this program and Wife 1.0 no longer has enough room to run during HUMMER-WHEELIG-TRIPS 2012. You will soon be running WhereDoISit 5.3. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run non HUMMER related applications. HUMMER Husband 1.0 is a great program, but if it doesn’t involve HUMMERs, there is limited memory available and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend PowerTools4Gifts 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep HUMMER Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, HUMMER Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThingsOtherThanHUMMER 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. HUMMER Husband 1.0 will run only LONG-HUMMER-WHEELING-TRIPS 5.2 and LONGER-HUMMER-WHEELING-TRIPS 9.3 or GarageWork 2.5 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install HUMMER Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. "We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
"Re-written" by
MU-TAINT